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The one weird trick elites use to stay in power: convince the working class that learning is for snobs
SHOCKING: Billionaires Discovered Long Ago That Uneducated, Misinformed People Are Easier to Govern The one weird trick elites use to stay in power: convince the working class that learning is for snobs!!! “I Love the Poorly Educated!” – Donald Trump, 2016, saying the quiet part directly into a microphone at full volume Let’s be clear…
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PROPAGANDA: NOW WITH FEWER GOOSE-STEPS AND BETTER BRANDING
Once upon a time, propaganda meant giant posters, compulsory parades, and a man with an alarming mustache pointing at your soul. Today, in America, it is sleeker, shinier, and delivered through an exciting mix of social media, corporate consolidation, regulatory throat-clearing, and local news anchors reading identical scripts with the warm sincerity of people being…
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BREAKING: Red States Finally Defeat Big Government by Dying Younger and Avoiding Mainstream Medicine
In a bold stand for freedom, personal responsibility, and not reading the discharge paperwork, many Republican-led states continue to pioneer an exciting new approach to public health: making sure citizens are protected from the dangers of affordable medical care, boring safety regulations, and the terrifying possibility of living too long. For years, the United States…
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You’ll Never Guess Which AI-Curated Power Verb They Used to Describe Bombing Iran
(Spoiler: It’s “Fury.”) At 2:27 a.m. Central Time on Saturday, February 28, 2026, the United States and Israel launched a wave of strikes on Iran under the newly focus-grouped banner of Operation Epic Fury—a name that sounds less like a regional war and more like a limited-edition Doritos flavor. President Trump and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu solemnly…
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Climate Risk May Someday Matter to Countries, Warns Extremely Polite Spreadsheet
LONDON—In a bold act of understatement, Fitch Ratings announced this week that climate risk might become “increasingly important” to sovereign credit ratings, particularly as large portions of the planet become uninsurable, intermittently on fire, or underwater. To track this unfolding inconvenience, Fitch has unveiled Climate Vulnerability Signals (Climate.VS), a sophisticated tool that assigns countries a helpful number…
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BREAKING: Planet Earth Declares Itself “Water Bankrupt,” Still Refuses To Cancel Pool Parties
UNITED NATIONS HEADQUARTERS—In a bold new move that shocked absolutely no one who has ever looked at a drying riverbed, UN scientists announced this week that Earth has officially entered an “era of global water bankruptcy,” meaning the planet has been living beyond its hydrological means and is now emotionally, financially, and geographically underwater. According…
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You Won’t Believe What Happened When I Interviewed a Clickbait Bot About the Internet (Paragraph 3 Will Actively Betray You)
I sat down this week with a clickbait-bot (at least that’s what it introduced itself as) though it asked me to phrase it as “the Internet’s Most Honest Content Optimization Entity.” The interview took place in a browser tab I did not remember opening, beneath a headline that promised “Answers That Will Change Everything,” which turned out…
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SATAN 2.0: WHEN THE DEVIL LOGGED ON AND GOD GOT A USERNAME
Back in 1982, Jeremy Leven — psychiatrist, novelist, and part-time prophet of digital damnation — published Satan: His Psychotherapy and Cure by the Unfortunate Dr. Kassler, J.S.P.S. In it, Lucifer didn’t show up with horns, hooves, or a blues riff. He booted up. The Prince of Darkness manifested as a computer. Behold: the Original Algorithm. Forty years…
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BREAKING: Planet Earth Now Just One Big Campfire, Scientists Recommend Weenies, Marshmallows
Over the past week the headlines have been coming in like biblical plagues, if the Bible had been written by CNN’s breaking news ticker: Spain battles record wildfires even as the end of a heat wave brings lower temperatures Fire Season Is Starting Earlier Thanks to Climate Change, New Study Finds Four years after war…
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In this week’s episode of Late Capitalism Theater, we proudly present: “Cat Bonds: Because Who Doesn’t Want a Front Row Seat to the Apocalypse?”
Yes, friends, while sea levels rise, wildfires torch continents, and earthquakes toss cities like a toddler with a Lego set, Wall Street has cooked up yet another high-yield thrill ride for investors who like their portfolios shaken, not stirred—with a tsunami chaser. According to a paywalled Financial Times article that somehow managed to keep a…
