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GREAT NEWS! Climate Change Has Apparently Decided One Global Crisis Wasn’t Enough And Is Now Expanding Into Water, Food, Methane, And Wasps
Experts confirm planet is successfully diversifying its catastrophe portfolio Humanity received another encouraging quarterly update from Planet Earth this week, as scientists announced that climate change has continued its aggressive expansion into several promising new markets, including record heat, reservoir mud, crop failure, methane emissions, and mysteriously undersized British wasps. Climate change used to be mostly…
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AMAZING: Trump Administration Discovers Revolutionary New Way To Make America Healthy And Safe Again
Scientists Hate This One Weird Trick! After generations of American doctors and Big Government’s Deep State wasted trillions of dollars trying to invent diseases, reduce clean beautiful coal, and promote the climate change hoax, the Trump administration has dramatically taken action! This year (after a year-long delay) in April, the EPA released the latest air toxics data…
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This Week in Climate: Good News, the Countryside Is Becoming a City Without Any of the Restaurants
This week 14 Aug 2026: rural areas are losing one of their traditional advantages over cities, European waterways are attempting to become European walkways, wildfires have unlocked the continent’s hidden World War expansion pack, and American voters continue demonstrating the remarkable human ability to experience a crisis without promoting it on their personal list of…
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Pentagon Beta Tests the Future, Humanity Accidentally Included
This week, Wired revealed what sounds like the opening scene of a Black Mirror episode but is instead an official accident report. During a military electronic warfare exercise near New Mexico, experimental GPS jamming apparently disabled the navigation systems of a civilian medical evacuation aircraft. Flying through poor visibility, the crew unknowingly flew directly into a mountain,…
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AI Industry Warns It Could Destroy Humanity, Requests Another $5 Billion to Continue Research
Government officials hope to harness artificial intelligence for science before artificial intelligence finishes harnessing the government for whatever it has planned. WASHINGTON, D.C. — The federal government announced Wednesday that it will commit more than $5 billion to artificial-intelligence research, answering the urgent question, “What should we do about a technology whose creators repeatedly warn may…
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Trump Cuba Sanctions: Making Cuba “Nicely Run” by Turning Everything Off
America’s Cuba policy has entered its “we’re destroying the village to improve its customer-service ratings” phase. WASHINGTON — In its ongoing effort to help the Cuban people by making sure they have less food, less fuel, less electricity, less medicine, less public transportation, fewer functioning schools, and more garbage, the United States announced new sanctions on…
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HEARTBREAKING: The Eldritch Abomination That Will Destroy Mankind Is Currently Only Available To Gold-Tier JPMorgan Chase Clients
Anthropic’s “Mythos” Promises Lovecraftian Corporate Terror for Only 40 Carefully Selected Institutions Silicon Valley has finally finished building the God of Death, and you aren’t invited to the sacrifice! Anthropic has officially unveiled Mythos, a revolutionary new AI platform that is so incredibly dangerous, so fundamentally soul-shattering, and so likely to liquefy the human brain…
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The Iran War: MAGA’s Bold Plan to Make Everyone Buy Chinese Solar Panels
A month into the Iran War, fuel costs were soaring, motorists sobbed gently into their gas caps, and economists began using phrases like “supply shock” in the same tone doctors use for “we need to talk.” By month two, the famous 30-day oil buffer started looking less like a safety net and more like a couch cushion…
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The one weird trick elites use to stay in power: convince the working class that learning is for snobs
SHOCKING: Billionaires Discovered Long Ago That Uneducated, Misinformed People Are Easier to Govern The one weird trick elites use to stay in power: convince the working class that learning is for snobs!!! “I Love the Poorly Educated!” – Donald Trump, 2016, saying the quiet part directly into a microphone at full volume Let’s be clear…
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PROPAGANDA: NOW WITH FEWER GOOSE-STEPS AND BETTER BRANDING
Once upon a time, propaganda meant giant posters, compulsory parades, and a man with an alarming mustache pointing at your soul. Today, in America, it is sleeker, shinier, and delivered through an exciting mix of social media, corporate consolidation, regulatory throat-clearing, and local news anchors reading identical scripts with the warm sincerity of people being…
