WASHINGTON—In a stunning display of legislative efficiency and moral bankruptcy, the House of Representatives has passed the Laken Riley Act, a bill so draconian that it essentially requires immigrants to be detained for the heinous crime of “being here while not white.” The bill, which is currently being fast-tracked to the Senate, mandates detention without due process for any immigrant accused of a nonviolent offense—whether that’s shoplifting diapers, jaywalking, or breathing near an American flag.
Critics argue the bill is less about public safety and more about turbocharging the private prison industry, because who wouldn’t want to make billions off detaining someone for a decades-old parking ticket? Proponents of the bill, meanwhile, say it’s necessary to “restore law and order” and “send a message to immigrants”—presumably, a message written in all caps with a lot of misspellings.
The bill, named after the tragic murder 22-year-old nursing student by a 26-year-old Venezuelan man who had entered the United States illegally, has been expertly weaponized into a legislative battering ram, and promises to keep America safe by detaining immigrants without due process for nonviolent offenses.
Under the proposed law, immigration authorities will be required to detain anyone accused of a nonviolent offense, no matter how trivial or outdated the accusation.
Of course, critics have pointed out that the federal government already has vast powers to detain noncitizens in deportation proceedings. But why settle for enough power when you can have too much? The private prison industry, which stands to make a tidy fortune from this policy, has reportedly sent thank-you cards, fruit baskets, and small islands to the bill’s sponsors.
The ACLU has condemned the bill, pointing out that it flagrantly violates constitutional protections like due process and equal protection. But why stop at trampling civil liberties when there are entire amendments left to bulldoze? Critics also warn that this policy will feed the mass incarceration machine while doing absolutely nothing to address the systemic factors that drive migration in the first place. After all, no amount of jail cells will fix a hurricane or an economic collapse.
America, the land of the free. For some.
