Laugh (or cry) at the absurdity of the news
It seems America has entered a new era of optimism, or what some might call blissful ignorance. According to a recent survey, half of Americans believe they’re done with COVID-19 for good. Done. Over it. As if the virus has packed its bags and left the country. Republicans and Democrats alike seem equally confident that…
ST. LOUIS — Are you ready to hear the truth about marriage that Big Love doesn’t want you to know? Brace yourself, because a groundbreaking new study from the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis has exposed the U.S. marriage market for what it really is: A ruthless, algorithm-driven hunger games for finding someone who’s…
Whether it’s the slow collapse of political norms, pandemics, global warming, or the terrifying reality that TikTok challenges have more influence on the youth than books, we’re subconsciously aware that humanity is on a fast track to “Oops, we broke everything.” So what do we do to cope? Simple: we watch The Walking Dead and…
In a shocking twist no one saw coming—except for every climate scientist for the past 50 years—August 2024 has officially become Earth’s hottest August in NOAA’s 175-year climate record. August didn’t just break the record for being the hottest month—it shattered it, and then stood over the shattered pieces while laughing maniacally. With a global…
In a development no one saw coming (except maybe Hitchcock), America’s latest wildfire threat isn’t just drought, climate change, or that one guy who thought setting off fireworks in a forest was a great idea. Science has determined that birds aren’t just a nuisance when they poop on your windshield or sing at dawn. Turns…
Who doesn’t know the old white guy with the deerstalker hat and magnifying glass that can deduce your favorite breakfast cereal from the crumbs on your shoes? Sherlock Holmes first appeared in the Beeton’s Christmas Annual magazine in 1887, but with the passing of Holmes’s original author, Arthur Conan Doyle, Holmes began showing up in…
I’d love to tell you all about Black Pill: How I Witnessed the Darkest Corners of the Internet Come to Life, Poison Society, and Capture American Politics by Elle Reeve. I’d love to dazzle you with insights from this groundbreaking piece of investigative journalism, detailing how disaffected young men went from posting memes online to…
Perhaps it’s time to press reset the universe and start the simulation over. In an astonishing turn of events that has conspiracy theorists, quantum physicists, and your slightly paranoid uncle all agreeing for once, mounting evidence suggests that humanity is caught in a time loop. The proof? We’ve been reading the same exact news stories…
Moscow, Russia – In a groundbreaking discovery that will surely send shivers downthe spines of conspiracy theorists and religious leaders alike, a recent study publishedin Geophysical Research Letters revealed that a recent SpaceX rocket launch mayhave temporarily created a large hole in the ionosphere — between 80 and 650kilometers above Earth’s surface where gases have…
In a stunning turn of events that has scientists everywhereclutching their lab coats in barely contained terror,researchers have just announced that ancient viruses andbacteria trapped in glaciers for thousands of years areabout to make a comeback. Yes, glaciers—thosemajestic, icy wonders we once thought about visiting totake deep, contemplative breaths of crisp mountainair—are now doubling as…