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    HELP! My Boss is an Algorithm and My Phone is Spying on Me: 10 Ways Your Job Turned Into a Black Mirror Episode and You Didn’t Even Notice

    Congratulations, worker!You’ve survived another day of employment under late-stage capitalism’s hottest new management trend: Surveillance as a Service™. Because when your employer said they wanted “full transparency,” they meant you—not them.We now present a very real, completely not terrifying at all guide to the brave new tools reshaping your workday, your bathroom break, and possibly…

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      This One Thing Scientists Forgot to Mention Could Change Everything About Your Future

      Bad news for anyone hoping climate change would just politely ruin other people’s countries: A new study, boldly titled Reconsidering the Macroeconomic Damage of Severe Warming has horrifyingly revealed that global warming’s economic devastation will be worse than everyone assumed. Previous climate models reassuringly predicted only mild to moderate global economic destruction, presumably comforting enough…

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        The Hero’s Journey Updated for Democrats In Advance of 2nd Trump Presidency: Now With Extra Punching Left and Mythical Moderate Unicorn Hunts!

        WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a thrilling narrative update, Democrats have unveiled a brand-new Hero’s Journey tailored specifically for their brave fight against a second Trump presidency. Spoiler alert: it’s less “slaying dragons” and more “mildly inconveniencing progressive allies while apologizing to hedge fund managers.” Act I: The Ordinary World (Where Nothing Gets Done) Our story…

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          You Won’t Believe Who Bought The Conspiratorial Website InfoWars (Unless You’ve Already Been Listening To or Reading the Lamestream Media!!! )

          The Onion Buys InfoWars, Promises to Deliver Fake News… on Purpose This Time In a move that proves 2024 just couldn’t let us go quietly into the night, satirical juggernaut The Onion has purchased the assets of Alex Jones’s InfoWars in a bankruptcy auction. This means that the most infamous conspiracy theory platform on the…

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