By now, you’ve probably read that the United States—once famed for putting people on the Moon and inventing Pop-Tarts—is doing a rather enthusiastic job of canceling science. Not accidentally, like when you spill coffee on a lab notebook, but actively, gleefully, and with the sort of techbro gusto usually reserved for buying up a failing social media platform, firing 80% of the workforce, declaring it ‘fixed’ after renaming it after a letter, and then setting it on fire with a flamethrower labeled “free speech.”
Recent headlines paint a picture best described as “full-blown academic divorce proceedings.”
- The New York Times warns: “The World Is Wooing U.S. Researchers Shunned by Trump”
- The Economist ominously notes: “Trump’s Attack on Science Grows Fiercer and More Indiscriminate”
- And Foreign Affairs, never one for understatement, declares: “America’s Coming Brain Drain”
This may all sound a bit dramatic—unless you’ve spent the last few weeks watching the U.S. government enthusiastically shovel scientific research into a giant dumpster labeled “TOO WOKE.”
Enter DOGE: Not the Coin, Not the Meme, But Somehow Even Less Real
According to Nature, that little-known, fringe publication, the U.S. National Institutes of Health (NIH) has just slashed billions in research funding. Why? Because it’s 2025, and we’ve replaced peer-reviewed evidence with Elon Musk’s gut instinct and a government agency named after a meme coin.
Yes, America has officially entered the Monty Python Presents: Ministry of Fiscal Silly Walks era of governance, complete with a new bureau: the Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE.
Who Needs Weather Forecasts Anyway?
It’s not just health science that’s being cut by the Great Federal Chainsaw. The National Science Foundation (NSF) is staring down a 50% funding cut, while the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA)—those folks who track hurricanes, rising sea levels, and the general collapse of habitable ecosystems—is facing $1.3 billion in proposed cuts.
When Elites Attack… Other Elites
Back in the 1960s, the U.S. produced “the best and the brightest”—an ambitious, if sometimes tragically misapplied, brain trust that gave us the Moon landing, the Peace Corps, and, yes, Vietnam. By contrast, 2025 seems determined to offer up the loudest and the angriest, and it’s difficult to see where all this shouting is going, other than into the nearest TikTok comment section or Trump rally.
It is a peculiar sort of populist uprising: many Americans, tired of elites, chose a billionaire with gold-plated toilet handles to lead them. And to their credit, they stuck it to the elites. The problem is that they now appear to be stuck with worse ones—only this time, their idea of expertise is “I did my own research,” which generally means they watched a man in aviator sunglasses misread a graph on Youtube.
The truth is, Donald Trump never needed a degree from Harvard. He already had something far more valuable: a father with a real estate empire and no desire to see it taxed. In this brave new world, education is increasingly seen as suspicious, unnecessary, and, most damningly, feminine—a tragic fate for anything in American public life.
Consider this: in 1995, the percentage of new college grads was fairly balanced between men and women. But by 2024, Pew found that nearly half (47%) of women aged 25 to 34 had bachelor’s degrees, compared to just 37% of men. This has created an odd cultural bottleneck where women still want to “marry up,” but men are increasingly unwilling to marry someone who might ask them to read an article.
High-earning men are snapped up. High-earning women, on the other hand, are encouraged to either lean in or lean out, but definitely not to lean on a man who doesn’t want to be reminded he never finished The Great Gatsby.
The larger problem, of course, is that education—while not a perfect predictor of income or decency—does generally help societies function. It produces engineers who build bridges that don’t fall down, doctors who don’t recommend bleach, and meteorologists who know a cold front is not a leftist conspiracy. It even offers thoughtful citizens who appreciate the arts and humanities, and have studied rhetoric and critical thinking.
But in 2025, America has decided that science is just a bit too smug. The Department of Education is being eyed like a suspicious foreign entity. Funding for NIH, NOAA, and the NSF is evaporating faster than a high schooler’s interest in trigonometry. And meanwhile, countries like Germany, South Korea, and even Canada are quietly backing up the truck to scoop up every biologist, coder, and climatologist with a valid passport.
We are, quite literally, exporting our brains. Which is a generous diplomatic gesture, really—if you happen to be China.
And while all this is happening, Trumpublicanism has fully embraced the pseudosciences: anti-vaccine conspiracies, anti-mask rage, and the belief that climate change is a left-wing plot designed to take away your hamburgers. Germ theory is now “suspicious,” and wind turbines are apparently part of a globalist earpiece-control program or something.
It is all, in the most technical scientific terms, deeply bonkers.
For now, America seems content to treat science as the enemy of the people, especially if it insists on telling us things we don’t want to hear—like “the planet is on fire,” or “no, bleach still isn’t medicine.”
As the former president once so memorably put it:
“I love the poorly educated.”
And judging by recent policy, he’s making sure there are more of them every day.
don’t believe in science, but I do believe in a future where money is imaginary, education is optional, and gravity is cancelled for freedom reasons.
As someone with an honorary PhD in Unverified Threads, I can confirm science is funded by Big Footnote. That’s why I’ve diversified into TruthChain, which cannot be peer-reviewed by design.
hey want you focused on “evidence” so you don’t notice the REAL pattern: every scientist owns glasses. Wake up. Also presale for PatriotCoin ends when the prophecy is fulfilled (or Tuesday).
I ran the numbers (mentally). If science was legit, it wouldn’t need grants. My coin doesn’t need grants either—just your wallet and a lack of follow-up questions.
REJECTED. This article assumes reality is falsifiable. Please revise to include at least three unverifiable sources and a chart that goes straight up.
Science says “correlation is not causation,” but have they considered the vibes? My model shows a strong relationship between ignorance and exponential gains (for me).
I’m not saying Elon chips the brain and Gates chips the butt—but notice how one faces the future and the other faces the chair. That’s what my 12-minute talk is about.
Ethics board demanded “informed consent” for posterior implantation. Classic stall tactic. Real innovators skip Phase II and go straight to X nee:Twitter
Jesus Saves…with $Trump!!!!
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Our proposal was rejected because reviewers said “the posterior chip lacks a theoretical framework.” That’s because the framework is the posterior. See Figure 4 (classified).
ky6news.com
They mock “doing your own research” because they’re afraid you’ll discover the footnotes lead directly to offshore accounts. That’s why my crypto has no white paper—pure transparency.
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The Rapture Index is by no means meant to predict the rapture, however, the index is designed to measure the type of activity that could act as a precursor to the rapture.
You could say the Rapture index is a Dow Jones Industrial Average of end time activity, but I think it would be better if you viewed it as prophetic speedometer.
https://www.raptureready.com/rapture-ready-index/
loqbbvn my forthcoming paper, On the Ontological Fragility of Facts, I argue that blockchain replaces experiments because belief scales faster than replication.
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Science is dangerous! While visiting Dilton with Archie, Veronica accidentally zaps herself with an experimental growth ray and finds herself increasing in size at an alarming rate.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyFB9c4H-_Q
Musk’s chip reads thoughts. Gates’ chip reads seating habits. Soros handles updates. This is basic interdisciplinary science, people.
They say “scientific consensus,” but I say “groupthink with microscopes.” Anyway, join my Discord where we reinvent physics and pre-sell the apology tour.
Science keeps asking for funding, but has it tried pulling itself up by its lab straps? Meanwhile, my startup replaces teachers with AI bald eagles.
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Scientists warned me about radiation, but now I heat all my meals with belief. Speaking of energy, FreedomCoin runs entirely on outrage and server errors.
Then he took the cloak that had fallen from him and struck the water with it. “Where now is the LORD, the God of Elijah?” he asked. When he struck the water, it divided to the right and to the left, and he crossed over.
serenity now!!!
Scientists say “peer review,” but I say “peer pressure.” That’s why I only invest in FreeRangeBlockchain™, which is powered entirely by vibes and patriotism.
I don’t trust science because it keeps “updating.” If gravity was real, it would have committed by now. Anyway, my cousin made 400% returns on HawkCoin by refusing to believe in numbers.
If science is so smart, why can’t it explain why my laser-pointer-powered crypto mine stopped working after the moon got involved? Checkmate, lab coats.
“Silence of the lamb! The late great Hannibal Lecter. It is a wonderful man.”
In all my experience, I’ve discovered that it is not socially acceptable to tell people to shut up and dance. Especially if they’re at a funeral or a job interview.
I heard the CDC had a gathering about COVID and it resulted in a dozen cases of COVID. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe next time they should just have a Zoom call.
Numbers are just letters that sold out. That’s why I trust Truth Social Stock and $Trump—they go up emotionally, which is how you know they’re honest.
They’re opening up a casino in downtown Chicago. I can’t wait to lose all my money and then go drown my sorrows in a deep dish pizza and a can of Old Style.
I watched the latest big sports thing on TV last night. I have no idea what it was, but the commentators were so hyped up, I thought they were going to burst into flames. Maybe science should advertise during the Superbowel
Meditation is great for clearing your mind and finding inner peace. Unless you’re like me and end up making a mental to-do list for the rest of the day.
My dear fellow, if you’re not sure if your wife is happy, then perhaps you should ask her. Women are perfectly capable of speaking their minds, you know.
I did my own research, which is faster than real research because it skips the boring parts like evidence and math. That’s also how my new coin works.
Where might I obtain one of those pen is mightier devices?
Our longitudinal study shows subjects sat more obediently after vaccination. Correlation? Yes. Causation? Also yes. Funding pending once Soros returns my calls.
My TED Talk got cut short after I said, “What if the brain chip is beta—but the posterior chip is production?” The audience wasn’t ready.
As a reviewer, I recommend MAJOR REVISIONS. The paper fails to explain why certain communist sympathetic billionaires would not diversify chip placement anatomically.
Defunding education is actually pro-science, because it protects science from being corrupted by facts. Also, download my new app that turns thoughts into NFTs. Limited supply. Infinite regret.
ron1t4