Trump Archives - Dystopian Digest

The Hero’s Journey Updated for Democrats In Advance of 2nd Trump Presidency: Now With Extra Punching Left and Mythical Moderate Unicorn Hunts!

07 mins

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a thrilling narrative update, Democrats have unveiled a brand-new Hero’s Journey tailored specifically for their brave fight against a second Trump presidency. Spoiler alert: it’s less “slaying dragons” and more “mildly inconveniencing progressive allies while apologizing to hedge fund managers.” Act I: The Ordinary World (Where Nothing Gets Done) Our story…

URGENT: Anonymous Hacktivists Reveal FIFA Insider Football Fixes – Totally Not a Scam (Promise)

05 mins

Greetings, esteemed recipient of unsolicited but clearly vital intelligence. I am no longer a Nigerian prince, nor involved in any minor monarchy that you’ve ever heard of. No, my scam generous proposal has evolved. The era of “Prince Ahmed of Upper Whateverstan” has passed. We’ve upgraded. Like the collective unconscious or Apple operating systems, we’ve…

Orwell vs. Huxley: The Ultimate Cage Match of Dystopias

09 mins

Welcome, citizens of the future! Or is it the present? Once upon a time, dystopian futures were just fun thought experiments for English majors and conspiracy theorists. The future was bright, and things were going to get better and better. Back in 1985 (or year 95 in the Year of Our Ford) there was much…

Big Data AI Scientifically and Psychically Predicts Shocking Trump-Harris Electoral Tie: Voters Await Final Decision by Shadow Government and Bigfoot

03 mins

In a fascinating display of computational prowess, a hyper-intelligent AI—operating with predictive algorithms so advanced they border on the psychic—now forecasts a high probability that both Trump and Harris will receive 269 electoral votes this November. It’s a reminder that even in politics, the universe has a way of bending toward chaos. After months of…