In the golden age of technology, everything in your house is “smart”—your thermostat, your fridge, even your toothbrush—except, of course, for you. Welcome to the future, where everything is connected to the internet, and nothing works when you need it most.
Remember the good ol’ days when “home security” was a dog and a baseball bat? Now, your entire safety hinges on a Wi-Fi connection stronger than the average coffee shop’s. If you ever plan to use your house in an emergency, you’d better hope the robots don’t revolt.
In an actual emergency, your house is less of a fortress and more of a glitchy escape room. Fires, floods, power outages—all scenarios where your smart home could literally dumb you into oblivion. Imagine running from a fire while your house asks, “Did you mean to start an evacuation?” Yes, house, that was the plan!
Besides, fire, there’s always the risk of tornadoes, floods and hurricanes.
Picture this: the hurricane has passed, the skies have cleared, and ypu’ve managed to get out of your house, which is now the equivalent of a medieval dungeon. You survey the damage outside and see your neighbor’s “eco-friendly” electric vehicle, which was supposed to save the planet, is now a ticking time bomb after being baptized in saltwater. Fun fact—did you know that when electric vehicles get flooded, they can spontaneously combust? Nothing says “environmentally conscious” like your car catching fire after the storm is over. Who knew going green involved so much smoke?
And then there’s your smartphone, which is now stuck in Emergency SOS mode, alerting every emergency contact you’ve ever had that you’re in dire need of rescue. Unfortunately, no one can get to you because they’re all too busy trying to stop their own electric cars from setting their driveways on fire. Even worse, you’re now in an endless loop of your phone trying to call 911, but with no signal. Congrats—you’ve just achieved the trifecta of modern disasters: no power, no communication, and your phone screaming “EMERGENCY!” while offering no help whatsoever.
So, before you buy that smart toilet that tracks your hydration levels, just ask yourself: Do I really want to be locked in my own bathroom, negotiating with an app for my freedom?
