It used to be that when billionaires got bored, they bought a yacht, opened a museum, or ran for political office and (usually) lost spectacularly. Now they want to replace democracy with a Reddit thread.
Elon Musk and his merry band of tech broligarchs are on a mission. No, not to make money. That’s for amateurs. These guys are attempting to replace western democracy itself. You know, just some light remodeling: knock down Congress, throw out the Bill of Rights, put in a juice bar and a server farm.
Thom Hartmann—talk-show host, author, and the last person still reading footnotes—thinks this isn’t just a bunch of eccentric billionaires LARPing as Ayn Rand villains. No, he says, it’s a deliberate plot to replace democracy with something called the “Dark Enlightenment,” which sounds like a limited-edition deodorant for Sith Lords.
According to Hartmann, Musk, Trump, and their friends aren’t just cutting government agencies to save money—they’re tearing them down like a home renovation show run by Lex Luthor:
Medicaid? Privatized.
Social Security? Handed over to JPMorgan Chase.
The Post Office? Coming soon: Amazon Federal Express Prime USPS Ultra—with free returns but no voting rights.
And it’s not just about money. These guys actually believe that once Artificial Intelligence gets smart enough, it can run the country better than we can. Which, given recent polling, may not be the worst idea—but still.
Their dream is a government run by machines, algorithms, and whatever it is Peter Thiel daydreams when he stares into a mirror. They want to replace Congress with ChatGPT, and you with your own wearable operating system. By 2030, Musk says the phone will be gone and your skull will be the device. Siri won’t live in your pocket—she’ll live in your brain. (It’s not certain whether your Neural Assistant will still respond to “Where’s the nearest gas station?” with “Here’s a recipe for vegan chili.”)
Now, before you accuse me of exaggeration, let me point out that one of the spiritual leaders of this movement is a man who goes by Mencius Moldbug. When your revolution is led by someone named after a Roman philosopher and a Harry Potter creature, maybe it’s time to hit pause.
But people are listening. Peter Thiel has called Moldbug his “most important connection.” Steve Bannon reads him for pleasure—though let’s be honest, Bannon also reads cereal boxes for pleasure. And JD Vance, our AI-curious Vice President, has cited him too, presumably during one of his famous “Fireside Chats with the Algorithm.”
So what’s the endgame?
Picture this: no elections, no Congress, no messy democracy. Just one app, one chip in your head, and one guy in a black turtleneck whispering, “You are the cell phone now.” The future won’t be Orwellian. It’ll be Kickstarterian.
And what’s powering this future? You. Literally. You will be both the consumer and the power source. Like a hamster in a wheel, but with better UX design. Meanwhile, Thiel’s betting on tech bubbles because he wants the world to end faster—he thinks it’ll summon some kind of Machine God Singularity. Which is fine, I guess, if your idea of a healthy investment is Skynet.
So fasten your neurolinks and tighten your aluminum foil hats America. The billionaires aren’t just coming for your money anymore. They’re coming for your reality.
