Laugh (or cry) at the absurdity of the news
Cupertino, Earth—In a bold move that’s sure to disrupt the sleep industry, a new app called The Doomsday Alarm Clock has hit the Apple App Store (actually, it’s over a year old…but the world has ended yet, so we might as well report on it.) Tired of alarms that gently coax you out of bed…
ALEX JONES, self-proclaimed sage, philosopher-king, and part-time apocalypse prepper, has done it again. If you thought things couldn’t get weirder than Jones’s alarm about gay frogs, steel yourself. On the September 18, 2024 edition of Infowars, Jones revealed… something only Jones and his audience are equipped to fully comprehend: satanic interdimensional aliens and the Devil…
It seems America has entered a new era of optimism, or what some might call blissful ignorance. According to a recent survey, half of Americans believe they’re done with COVID-19 for good. Done. Over it. As if the virus has packed its bags and left the country. Republicans and Democrats alike seem equally confident that…
ST. LOUIS — Are you ready to hear the truth about marriage that Big Love doesn’t want you to know? Brace yourself, because a groundbreaking new study from the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis has exposed the U.S. marriage market for what it really is: A ruthless, algorithm-driven hunger games for finding someone who’s…
Whether it’s the slow collapse of political norms, pandemics, global warming, or the terrifying reality that TikTok challenges have more influence on the youth than books, we’re subconsciously aware that humanity is on a fast track to “Oops, we broke everything.” So what do we do to cope? Simple: we watch The Walking Dead and…
In a shocking twist no one saw coming—except for every climate scientist for the past 50 years—August 2024 has officially become Earth’s hottest August in NOAA’s 175-year climate record. August didn’t just break the record for being the hottest month—it shattered it, and then stood over the shattered pieces while laughing maniacally. With a global…
In a development no one saw coming (except maybe Hitchcock), America’s latest wildfire threat isn’t just drought, climate change, or that one guy who thought setting off fireworks in a forest was a great idea. Science has determined that birds aren’t just a nuisance when they poop on your windshield or sing at dawn. Turns…
Who doesn’t know the old white guy with the deerstalker hat and magnifying glass that can deduce your favorite breakfast cereal from the crumbs on your shoes? Sherlock Holmes first appeared in the Beeton’s Christmas Annual magazine in 1887, but with the passing of Holmes’s original author, Arthur Conan Doyle, Holmes began showing up in…
I’d love to tell you all about Black Pill: How I Witnessed the Darkest Corners of the Internet Come to Life, Poison Society, and Capture American Politics by Elle Reeve. I’d love to dazzle you with insights from this groundbreaking piece of investigative journalism, detailing how disaffected young men went from posting memes online to…
Perhaps it’s time to press reset the universe and start the simulation over. In an astonishing turn of events that has conspiracy theorists, quantum physicists, and your slightly paranoid uncle all agreeing for once, mounting evidence suggests that humanity is caught in a time loop. The proof? We’ve been reading the same exact news stories…