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In a stunning turn of events that has scientists everywhereclutching their lab coats in barely contained terror,researchers have just announced that ancient viruses andbacteria trapped in glaciers for thousands of years areabout to make a comeback. Yes, glaciers—thosemajestic, icy wonders we once thought about visiting totake deep, contemplative breaths of crisp mountainair—are now doubling as…

Just when you thought it was safe to go back outside afteryour latest Covid 19 vaccine jab, a new contender for“Most Annoying Virus of the Year” has entered the ring.That’s right, Mpox is back, and this time it’s setting upcamp in Africa—specifically in the Democratic Republic ofCongo, where the virus apparently decided it needed atropical…

Shocking revelation rocks the nation!*In a groundbreaking announcement that is sure to sendshivers down the spines of bargain hunters everywhere,Dollar General Corporation (NYSE: DG) has issued a direwarning for its fiscal 2024 second quarter: their corecustomer base may be running out of money!Dollar General revealed a 20.6% drop in operating profitand a 20.2% decrease in diluted…

The Excremental Evidence—Where Cultural Identity Really StinksWARNING: This article contains a shocking revelation about the hidden truths oftoilets. Viewer discretion is advised.Let’s talk about Slavoj Žižek. You might know him as the “Elvis of Philosophy,” but todaywe’re diving into something a bit more down to earth. Toilets. But not just anytoilets—these are the ideological monuments…

The US Space Force, America’s most literal foray into Star Wars, is rocketing ahead by expanding its ranks and technologies in ways that only a government agency with a penchant for acronyms could appreciate. With each new “Guardian” (because “Space Marine” was already taken), the Space Force is bolstering its cosmic roster, ready to take…

HOLD ONTO YOUR BURGERS, FOLKS! In the wild, anything-goes world of the 1880s, labor strikes were spreading like wildfire! Workers across America were FED UP with their back-breaking hours and death-defying working conditions. They took to the streets, demanding better lives, but in May 1886, those peaceful protests in Chicago’s Haymarket Square EXPLODED into full-blown…